This is an alternate take on my analysis of Rachel Pietka’s Relevant article (posted here) by commenter Mich. Show him some love…
She didn’t say that abstinence leads to divorce or that modern Christianity should let up on premarital sex restrictions to avoid divorce. She cited one woman who believed she could have avoided divorce by engaging in premarital sex and mentioned that the benefits of waiting are exaggerated (they are). But, it seems the author attributes the divorce to the dishonesty surrounding no-sex-before-marriage ministries rather than to abstinence itself, which it looks like you both agree does not inherently result in happy marriages or bedrooms.
I agree with that. Young people in particular are being fed the lie that great sex is a reward for following the rules, and godless heathens will never really be able to have this transcendent sexual and marital experience that awaits pious virgins. That’s bunk, as I’m sure you know firsthand.
She explicitly states that bad sex is no reason to divorce or reduce martial investment. Great! But her notion of the “proper place” for sex in marriage is presumptuous. Sex is not icing on the cake; marriage and sex cannot be separated, and sex should never be relegated to the status of “gift” that some couples get and some just don’t. The loss of sex through mental or physical incapacitation is worth mourning.
Her musings about the “place” for sex is a far cry from an endorsement of premarital sex or divorce, but it’s just as far from being a practical solution for “incompatable” couples and provides no viable options for couples who really are suffering. She identified a problem, but took the easy way out on fixing it.