‘cuz I’m so fuck’n good, and that ain’t no shit, neither!
Our brother Jason has often chafed at the pickup artists, who claim to have all the answers, which are only available after paying big dollaz to attend their seminars. I thought it’d be fun on a slow news day to look at one such playa.
Thus I introduce Dr. Nerdlove, ladies man extraordinaire.
Whenever anyone calls himself “Doctor” I wonder where he did his residency, or under whom he defended his thesis. Nevermind that, though… Let’s stick to specifics.
Dr. Nerdlove has been around for as long as I have. He runs an online advice column called (you guessed it) Asking Dr. Nerdlove, where we can find his latest blog post. It’s a response to a poor, innocent wimminz, who somehow got seduced by a married playa she met on tinder.
As we can see, the good doctor holds this wimminz completely blameless, while excoriating the cad she eagerly hopped in the sack with. This is exactly what one might expect from a man who boasts about writing for feminist outlets like Kotaku and The Good Men Project.
The reality is that both playaz and hoez bear real responsibility for what they do. This is a skank-ho slut who recreationally fucked a skank-ho male slut she met on Tinder. She admits that she didn’t know who he actually was, for the entirety of the five full years they were casually smashing. Given that she is now pregnant, we can assume that neither of these characters exercised reasonable caution, and aside from having an unwanted pregnancy, it would surprise me if they both didn’t have at least one STD.
At best, we can paint both of these fools as willfully careless to the point of negligence. Yet, Dr. Nerdlove insists that the blame lies only with the male in this affair, and he depicts this wimminz as being the innocent victim of a “cheating piece of shit.” The reality is that if either of these individuals had read my Field Guide, available at no cost here, this nonsense would never have happened. Dr. Nerdlove also claims he has the answers, available at cost.
Bearing in mind that Doctor Nerdlove charges more for a phone call than some of the better attorneys in my town, let’s see what he can teach us.
All you autistics who feel the need to pay 500 clams for someone to hold your hand can rest easy. I can teach you how to not be stuck in the friend zone, right now. You simply ask your opposite-sex friend to fuck you. If s/he says ‘no’, you should respect this without drama; but, 90% of the time, s/he has been hanging out with you waiting for you to come out and ask, and the answer will almost certainly be an enthusiastic affirmative.
(If s/he does say ‘no,’ that means s/he was spending time with you in hopes of something else: money, time, attention, etc. You’ll finally know what the game was leading to.)
If your love life is out of your control, then be an adult and assume control over it. Tell whoever you’re fucking what you want, or tell them flatly that the fucking is over.
I honestly don’t know what the rest of this shit means. Most of us learn how to be our best, most polished self, by trial-and-error, not by paying a series of expensive coaches to hold our hands in social situations.
I send Dr. Nerdlove a message, two days ago. He has yet to respond, and he is welcome to comment here if he feels I’m judging him too harshly. Have any of you boys fallen for a scam like this? Did you learn anything useful? Sound off if you’ve got a pair.