What is the point of a grown man having a “girlfriend”? Is a “girlfriend” a potential future wife, or is it a hindrance before commitment is justified? Our man asks the question. Go answer.
What is the point of a grown man having a “girlfriend”? Is a “girlfriend” a potential future wife, or is it a hindrance before commitment is justified? Our man asks the question. Go answer.
Dang, I didn’t expect this to get reblogged anywhere. Thank you.
Christians call it “dating” or “on a path to marriage” or “being exclusive” and no real Christian has ever, ever had premartital sex….BUT if they did…..”jesus forgives and there is this thing called grace”
Wight……it depends “who” has a girlfriend in the christian world. If it is just your average blue-pilled-chump-cuckservative….which I guess is most today…..in the christian man-o-sphere you’re not leading, you;re not a real man, you are being chivalrous, a simp…………………
But if you are a red-pilled-real-mighty man of god?????????????
Ah, you are fulfilling your godly design! you are showing your dominance about what you are and what kind of woman you want to be exclusive with. you are setting example for other men, and inspiring them to be holy.
It just depends what “kind” of man has a girlfriend and how he is viewed in his local church community or the sphere.
Hence another reason why christianity is a do as I say, not as I do faith….and why many leave and most think they stand for nothing
There will not be a “universal” answer to this question, as each person has a different approach to marriage.
I would prefer a man could simply negotiate / talk with the young woman’s father, and make the decision between these two men. I have only encountered one woman who indicated she would accept this however.
I pursued my wife-to-be directly with her. I did try to involve her father, but he did not make much of an effort. I spoke with her mother a fair amount, but that is not the same as having the father directly involved.
Both sets of my grandparents met and married in less than 12 months. You have 3-6 months to get to know each other and decide if you like each other and want to get married and then 3-6 months to schedule and plan the wedding. They were married for over 50 years until death parted them. My own parents basically followed the same script. They are married for life. My brother married his first and only girlfriend after a slightly longer dating and engagement period. That stereotype where you marry a woman like your mom? That’s my brother. Their marriage is rock solid.
These more-or-less followed the old-school model: while young (age 19 to 25) find a Christian girl you like, date her for a short period, ask her to marry you, do so after a short engagement, and stay married for life. The purpose of the Christian girlfriend is to get to know her: engagement happened less than 12 months after meeting each other.
My other brother, on the other hand, went to college, got a useless degree, dated a non-Christian college girl, married her after a while, had a couple kids, and then (predictably) she divorced him. After many years, he cohabitated with another one, had another kid, and then she (predictably) kicked him out. Naturally, he doesn’t have primary custody of the kids.
Now, I took a very different route. I met my future wife as a freshman in high school. After two years we were best friends. During our sophomore year of college (different colleges, different states) we dated, mostly remotely. The only thing we could do was deepen our friendship. Officially we dated for longer than the rest of my family did in their relationships, but we only spent a few months together in person before a short engagement. We married before we were both graduated from college.
I really appreciated this approach, but I’m not sure how many Christian men and women can date for long without sex, making out, or other forms of affection. Ours was mostly restricted to holding hands. This will only work for couples who have a lot of discipline and self-control. I’m not sure our marriage would have been successful if it has been an arranged marriage. Our shared experience and deep friendship has been the essential glue that has held us together. The bond that we had developed over all of those years has been invaluable.
Having examined my family, I think Christian girlfriends are not always completely useless. The longer you date and maintain self-control, the longer you have to prove that she isn’t a cheating whore and that she actually likes you. You have more time to due your due diligence. No offense to those people who still like arranged marriages or the old-school model, but both of those models are now incredibly risky (besides that, the cohabitation model is an utter disaster).
NOTE: having been raised in a deeply Christian culture with largish families and deep religious convictions (e.g. anti-divorce), only two couples in my entire extended family have ever divorced. That is out of dozens of marriages.
Interesting. Thanks for taking the time to make such a thorough reply.
The claim that girlfriends pointless may not be completely limited to Christians. A recent study in the Journal of Sex Research (see here) finds that early marriage sexual frequency and satisfaction are negatively correlated with cohabitation and length of dating/engagement. If you want high sex during your first few years of marriage, don’t fornicate and don’t waste time getting married.
However, this is not the end of the story. While cohabitation is universally bad for marriage, longer courtships are not. Though sex frequency is lower at the start of marriage, it stays more consistent over time. The data supports the claim that the old-school model can be effective (high initial sex frequency and satisfaction), but it doesn’t lead to long-term sexual satisfaction. Taking more time to do your due diligence will lead to less sex initially, but more consistent sex over the long-term.
By this I mean “hurry up and marry her.” Ambiguous language there.