Field Guide To Smashtown

Introduction

1. In the tradition of Zen King, who wrote the field guide to single mothers, I’ve decided to put down a tried-and-true way of getting snatch from desperate internet hoez. Part 1 will cover theoretical differences between cyberspace and meatspace pickup. Part 2 will outline some general tactics that are currently proving successful.

Acknowledgements

2. It should be noted, right at the outset, that most of this information did not originate with me. AfOR was a huge influence on me in my misspent youth. He is gone now, and while he used to have a post that somewhat resembles what this one might become, I don’t know where it is today, and moreover, it was written circa 2008 or some shit. The hominid mating-dance is a dynamic system. New tricks and tactics constantly evolve, and these pointers may be obsolete months hence, for all the same reasons.

Meatspace versus Online Dating

3. While I could go into detail, Roosh V. and Heartiste have already done so better than I could. The basics are as follows:

4. Internet dating has one, and only one, advantage over meeting wimminz in meatspace. That is quantity. You will meet a few HB 7-9.999… wimminz online, and they are more dangerous than the 3-6 wimminz who are your targets.

Hotties are Undesirable. Here’s Why…

5. Extremely attractive’ wimminz are safely assumed to be using fake/outdated/altered photos. If this isn’t the case, then they’re safely assumed to be so riddled with peripheral problems (Herpes, AIDS, kids by different fathers, married-and-cheating) that you won’t want to go near them.

6. Objectively attractive wimminz do not go online for sex, because they do not need to.

Don’t Become an Addict

7. Internet dating should never be allowed to become your primary sexual outlet. A great number of internet playaz will scoff at wimminz for becoming addicted to the hormones and adrenaline and attention and easy sex available on the internet, while lying (to other men, and to themselves) about the lure of this to the brothers.

8. I have seen men slip into a profound lethargy after becoming successful with online dating, and in every case, these men immediately start slouching into the male equivalent of the tattooed skank, with kids by different fathers, who lives online. Talking to wimminz in meatspace has benefits, and the most obvious is the fact that one has to keep fit, and remain pleasant in demeanor and appearance to pull this off. The online dating site is the contemporary equivalent of yesterday’s whorehouse, out on the prairie. Your grandfather visited that place occasionally and discreetly. He didn’t live there. By the same token, PoF/Tinder/etc. is a backup plan, not a way-of-life.

Ring-Worthy Women Don’t Use Tinder

9. If you assume that you will use online dating to meet a quality woman, you must quit reading this article, and go to a professional psychoanalyst. Such a grievous misconception is rooted in a severely distorted phenomenology, and it will likely be dangerous for you to continue doing anything without professional guidance.

10. Decent women do not get online for relationships. Mediocre and ugly wimminz get online for sex. This field guide takes that as the first axiom, and intends to show you how to effectively use online dating to supplement your existing rotation, in the most efficient way possible.

11. The author of this article is a heterosexual male, and these tactics will likely not work for people who don’t share both of those two qualities. While I usually discourage random female commenters, if you are female or a gay man, and you have observations of your own, I would welcome your polite comments about the differences and similarities. You may also submit a guest article for review, and so long as it’s not a complete piece of shit, I will probably publish it. See the sidebar for details.

General Online Dating Tactics

12. I have profiles up on a number of different sites, and the same tactics work equally well on PlentyOfRottenTuna, OKStupid, SnatchDotCom, Tinder, Stumble, etc. Wimminz are wimminz, and all the sites have similar layouts.

13. Open up an account with a cryptic sounding username. Inducing confusion in wimminz is the first step toward getting laid. Obviously, also, you should never use any variation of your legal name on one of these dumb sites.

14. Put two to four photos of yourself up on your profile. No more, and no less.

15. The first of the photos should be a semi-profile, and illustrate you working in your trade. Doesn’t matter whether you’re a welder or accountant, have one of your mates snap some shots of you while you’re busy. This should be the photo a bitch sees immediately when she hits your page.

16. The second photo should be a full on face-and-chest photo with you cleaned up and looking presentable, but casual. Don’t be hiring a professional, and don’t alter this either. Don’t make it an obvious “selfie.” If your brother has a quality camera, have him take a photo of you when you’re out someplace having fun.

17. The optional third photo will show you with a dog, cat or some other sort of  domestic animal. If you don’t have a pet, take a photo with a friend’s pet. Bitches like pets.

18. The optional fourth photo will show you in some faraway locale. I live now in a humid, tropical part of the U.S., where it never freezes. I always use ski trip photos from Whistler. If the site you’re on allows captions, I never put the actual place. I title it something like “where I come from.” Bitches like exotic men, and they’ll excuse their approach by being curious as to where you’re from.

Enforce Your Own ‘Fitness Tests’

19. The moment your profile goes live, the messages will likely pour in. You will almost immediately get dozens (if not hundreds) of messages from thirsty skanks. There are two general types of wimminz that I block immediately.

20. The first type is the huge, fat human-walrus hybrids, the bitches with neon-colored hair, the disgustingly ugly skanks, and the skanks with tons of skanky tatts and weird piercings. You will have your own limits, which may differ from mine, but you should know what they are and stick to them.

21. The second type is the married-and-cheating bitch. Delete these cunts with extreme prejudice, as life is too short to get pulled into some poor schlub’s divorce.

“All Wimminz Lie, All The Time” -AfOR

22. Get it through your head that these wimminz are, first and foremost, liars. They have no conscience. You are merely a walking dildo with American Express attached, and they will say and do anything to get access to your money, dick and attention – in that order.

23. If a wimminz mentions a “roommate” or if she tells you, in passing, that she is “staying with the ex,” then assume she is married to said roommate, and eject immediately. If you are on Tinder, and the slut tells you she’s visiting from out of town, then eject immediately. Tinder is location based via GPS, and wimminz who are “visiting” from out of town have come to play where locals can see them, but their lawful husband can not.

24. If a bitch has photos which are obviously 5+ years old, then assume she is x≥30 kg more massive and dog ugly also, and block her. If she was single and available, she’d live alone; and, if she looked passable now, she’d put a current photo up.

Work The System

25. As mentioned in para 19, once your profile goes live, you will get an avalanche of messages. This is the result of dating site’s algorithm, which puts new profiles up on the front page. The dating site does this to mess with your head. Try not to let it effect your psychological state.

26. Of the hundred messages that flood your inbox, about 50% will be immediately disqualified for being fat, obviously fucking around on a husband, or not meeting another one of your own personal standards.

27. Of the 50% who remain, about 50% of those will disqualify themselves through some obvious character flaws. If a bitch trash talks her ex, if she makes vulgar hand gestures in photos, etc., go ahead and block that whore.

28. Note that wimminz will often divulge their flaws up-front, but they will do so in a dishonest or subtle way, characterized as a joke or a gag. Wimminz lie better than you or I ever will, and the clever ones will tell the truth in such a way as to induce deniability.

29. Of the 25% who remain undeleted, you have the makings of a harem. On an average day, in my town, there will be 20-30 prospects in this pile. New applicants will appear for several hours, as the site promotes you.

30. If you are on PoF, you should “hide” (not delete) your profile, in 24 hours. PoF plays a game with its male users, by getting them “hooked” on the female attention with the first flood of messages, and then making its users pay for promotion later. The way you game their system is to hide your profile for about a week, and then “unhide” the profile, at which point their system will again promote you, for free.

Don’t Be Needy

31. Each of your prospects should receive a polite but noncommittal response. Make these sluts work for your attention.

32. Telling a woman “bitch let’s fuck” does not work. All wimminz lie, all the time; and bitches lie to themselves most frequently. While “bitch let’s fuck” is exactly what you mean, when you interact with any bitch on the dating site, and while the slut knows that’s what you mean, she can’t hack the dent in her ego that results from an open declaration that you know she knows what you mean.

33. Finding sex via the internet may be legal, and it may be socially acceptable, it is still prostitution. You will end up paying for sex, one way or another, and the way you pay for sex on the internet is with your time. Your goal, therefore, is to get the best possible “bang” for your buck.

Don’t Get Upset

34. Never bother insulting a slut. Doing so suggests you care what they say or think, and this is a grievous mistake.

35. Remember that while your primary goal is to have sex, your secondary goal is to impress upon any bitch the reality of her situation. You must lessen that bitch’s expectations, and you must keep her jumping through your own hoops for as long as possible, that she doesn’t have the opportunity to exploit a less experienced brother.

36. Do not divulge your precise place of employment to a bitch. Ever. She might be able to find it online. Don’t confirm it if she asks. Give her nothing more than the general part-of-town or neighborhood where your home is located.

37. Before your fourth message you will ideally demand an in-person meeting. Of your current potential clients, about half of these women will refuse or ghost out. This is fine – block/delete and move on.

38. Never feel guilty about blocking/deleting a slut. You have your own “shit tests,” and if they fail, it’s their problem.

Spend No More Than Ten Dollars

39. Meet either at a coffee house or at a cheap restaurant. Your goal in meeting is twofold: to see if their actual appearance meets your standards (it will differ from the posted photos, every single time, but some of them will still be bangable,) and to smoke out if they have behavior or psychological problems.

40. When meeting the slut you may spend no more than ten American dollars, and you should only spend that much if more time is needed to screen the potential client. Buying them a coffee or a taco will accomplish this.

41. The moment a bitch pulls an attitude, the moment she is rude to the wait staff, the moment she trash-talks any family member or her ex-boyfriend, the moment she displays an attitude of entitlement, the moment she confesses to an STD or a prescription for psychiatric medication, you get up and tell the slut you have to go to the men’s room, then scoot on out the door. Leave her with the bill if possible.

42. If the bitch is two minutes late, go ahead and scoot out the door. Your time is valuable. Five minutes early is on time. One minute late is barely acceptable. Two is not.

43. Repeat regularly. Every week, “unhide” your profiles and let the new fish swim into your net. Screen them as rigorously as before.

44. Be aware of trannies and crossdressers.

The Structure of Your Stable

45. The third tier of your stable will consist of potentials. There should ideally be at least ten of these. These are all the wimminz who are in a holding pattern, who you have yet to meet, but who have also met your standards to be worthy of a meet.

46. The second tier of your stable will consist of better quality online conquests who you have already met and fucked, and who are down to be fucked at your convenience. There should be five or six of these wimminz available, for those nights when the tier one girls are occupied riding Chad’s cock.

47. Your stable should always consist of three to four high quality wimminz. These will almost always be “day game” conquests in the 6-8 range. This is tier one, and it is almost never justifiable to move a bitch from lower tiers into tier one. If you do this, you’re being lazy.

48. Every single wimminz in every tier will eventually attempt to manipulate or cajole you into a “commitment.” That commitment will be one-sided, and thus is not a commitment at all. Every single wimminz wants multiple cocks and wallets, and she wants them all to herself, with no competition. Once you commit, you take a seat next to several other schlubs, all of whom are in the same position.

Reject Ultimata

49. In the event of an ultimatum, politely decline her generous offer to be one of her exclusive servants. An ultimatum can arise at any time, and with better looking sluts, it often arises sooner than later. The bitch will often throw a fit. Let her do so, and enjoy the entertainment.

50. Two to six months later, this tier one slut will likely reappear, with a message reading “I miss you,” or some such. I may let her re-enter orbit, provided she is sufficiently humbled, but…

51. Prior rejections never re-enter in their earlier tier. A tier one bitch who gets dumped is only allowed tier two status, from that day forward. A tier two slut who gets dumped, is gone for good.

Worry About Yourself. No One Else Is Gonna

52. Always wear a condom. No exceptions.

53. Never believe anything that you hear, whether it be “you’re an asshole and I deserve so much better than you,” or whether it be “Oh Boxer your cock is so big and you’re so wonderful you’re just the best man in da world.” Remember AfOR’s first Axiom:

54. All wimminz lie, all the time.

55. If it quits being fun, quit doing it. Re-emerge when you’re ready, and not before.