Down below, Renee asks a poignant question.
Sir I understand the blog for men. But how can a woman avoid being a skank ho especially if she is about to hit the wall or is post wall and tired of being a virgin?
As Aristotle would remind us, whenever an individual starts becoming a source of money or solutions to another’s problems, a certain dialectic is reached, in which each party becomes important to the other. Generally (again, I’m plagiarizing Aristotle’s ethics): The mentor in the relationship cares more about his charge than vice-versa. The man who pays, in money or time or information, tends to also be the one who feels more invested in the dialectic. Even so, as a source of solutions, the mentor also becomes important to the pupil, who tends to increasingly rely upon his benefactor as time goes on. This mode-of-being isn’t really noticed until some novel situation erupts, usually in the form of a dispute between mentor and pupil. Suddenly, the mentor’s decisions matter, as there’s an underlying assumption that the money/time/information might suddenly quit flowing.
Aristotle: Pupil of Plato in Childhood, Mentor to Alexander the Great as An Adult
Since the 1960s, at least in North America, most women have voluntarily dropped out of this dialectic. The average American female has no interest in meeting the needs of anyone but herself. Her energy has largely been redirected into behaviors which are generally useless, and serve only to enrich the ruling class at the expense of her family and community. A great example was brought up by Anonymous and Honeycomb in previous comments, where they discuss the phenomenon of women eschewing marriage in order to pursue sex with strangers, careers in paper-shuffling, and credentialism (i.e. getting degrees in subjects that are generally useless, or in subjects in which they will never pursue full-time work). While I disagreed that this was some sort of top-down plan by the elite to wreck society, there’s no denying that it is a general trend that has become increasingly widespread.
Many women ignore those behaviors that come with being either a mentor or a pupil, at least in the traditional sense, and seem to have no interest in behaving either as a wife or a mother. Moreover, these same women seem to have no interest in any sort of family-centered behavior (they aren’t competent daughters, neighbors or sisters, for example, either). While nearly all women will dabble in marriage or childbirth (Dalrock has stats suggesting that nearly 90 percent of women will, at some point, marry; and, the remainder of those will largely become skank-ho single moms), they instead act as though these are meaningless status indicators, and instead focus on careers and credentialism, while ignoring their husbands’ needs and putting their children in a day-care, to be raised (usually neglected) by strangers.
The average woman who goes down this path eventually finds herself surprised at how unhappy she is. The feminists promised her that she would “have it all” if she could only balance a career and a family. The feminists were and are liars, consumed with what Freud called “penis envy” (Read Freud’s work on this subject here).
Not only do such women not find their office jobs satisfying, but they also find themselves totally disempowered at home, as strangers raise their kids, and their husbands eventually seek out emotional (and sometimes sexual) intimacy elsewhere. Either their husbands will sublimate these needs into dumb hobbies (watching sports, drinking with friends, watching sleazy internet porn) or they will embark on a series of affairs. In short, the feminist “career woman” who is promised, by feminists, that she can “have it all” finds herself having nothing at all. Her only option at the end of the road is to get a divorce, but that will leave her even worse off than she already is, as a skank-ho single mom, who gets a monthly check. As such, she assumes an even lower status than she enjoyed previously.
Anyone can avoid this fate by following Uncle Ari’s advice: deliberating at length, and then acting decisively. Agnes Callard has a very good paper which begins with a description of the master’s teachings:
Aristotle’s theory of deliberation (bouleusis) is immediately familiar as a theory of what we, too, would call deliberation: a conscious, rational mental processes deployed by an agent in order to solve practical problems. He thinks, as we do, that deliberation is a form of thought that takes time, proceeds systematically rather than haphazardly, and ends by putting the agent in a position to choose rationally. Deliberation, for Aristotle as for us, is thought that answers the question, “what should I do?”
Read the whole paper (here).
Any man or woman can avoid the unhappiness of following the feminist model by appreciating his (or her) own limitations. One can not “have it all”. A family is, by nature, a unit which is greater than the sum of its parts. With this in mind, one can start to journal his or her daily thoughts. Once clarified, write down your own goals. Keep track of the daily actions that make such goals manifest. If you observe some religious discipline, prayer or meditation can help. If you don’t, then taking fifteen minutes “off the grid” (phones off, no television, etc.) in quiet contemplation is a must. Dale Carnegie used to recommend this. Shift your focus from the momentary and fleeting nonsense of the now and begin envisioning yourself in the role you want, working backwards to your present situation, analyzing what you have to do to approach the end result you seek.
If you’re a woman who does not want marriage and family, I think that’s fine, but you should consciously make peace with the fact that you’re going to forge another path, and hold yourself to the same standards as a traditional man would, regarding honor, discipline, and mastery of your chosen craft. I happen to know women who made this choice early, and I respect them. If you do want to have a husband and family, then focus the vast majority of your attention on that. Proficiency in that area includes a husband who feels totally loved, completely respected, and safe to leave his home every day, knowing that his wife is competently tending to his financial, sexual, and emotional needs while he’s away (that means no cheating and no “girls night out”). It also means properly educating and socializing your children. Sending kids to the local public school is fine, but if a mother isn’t waiting at home, then most of their teacher’s efforts will be for nothing.
The career woman has responsibility for her work and authority over her subordinates. The married woman has responsibility for her husband and authority over her children. One can not serve two masters (now I’m plagiarizing St. Paul.) In short, responsibility and authority go hand-in-hand.
‘The average American female has no interest in meeting the needs of anyone but themselves.’
Selfishness leads to unhappiness.
‘One can not “have it all”. A family is, by nature, a unit which is greater than the sum of its parts. ‘
Selflessness leads to greater satisfaction in life.
If only the reverse engineered, outcome based, quiet thought was taught with cognitive thinking skills in school .. like from the legends ..
Oh yeah .. they are oh’press’sive dead / old white guy’s (e.g. S.P.A. .. and others).
Boxer .. I really enjoyed the well thought-out article. It really is a fantastic read.
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Break .. New story ..
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I gave some advice to a cousin’s daughter this summer. My feminist cousin thought she should go to college.
I asked her some very important questions.
Do you have a boyfriend? Are you going to move in with him when you graduate high school? What jobs are available in your area? Will a college degree land you a better job than you have now? Will you move for other opportunities? Do you want children? Do you have wife or mothering skills already? Are you going to work and be a mom? Would this degree put you in a job you couldn’t get without it? How much will it cost to go to school? Who is paying for it? How much debt do you have and how much are you willing to add?
After our talk .. I recommended she avoid slut finishing school errrr I mean college and marry the young man and start a family.
She could always CLEP / DANTES / etc an AS Degree during or after kids. No classroom or travel required.
NO ONE asked any of those questions of her and EVERYONE told her she go to college.
It never dawned on her to ask those questions. She was just floating thru life hoping it would all work out if she did what everyone else did .. to which I asked .. are they happy?
(sound of a very deep) SIGH
It seems common sense should have been renamed UN-COMMON SENSE a long time ago .. because it ain’t common no more.
Earl .. they have the studies that prove just that .. but ..
You can’t tax one home & car like you can two of everything. Gotta keep Big Gov / Pharma / Biz churning thru other peoples money.
Just recently I seen a bev’ee of articles about how great dating a single mom is .. lol .. one of their good traits is “self-less-ness” according to these articles .. rofl
We have a ton of single mom’s at my crossfit gym .. they eye me like a piece of meat (great job / decent looks & fitness) .. and I treat’em like one of the guy’s .. no interest in manly single mom’s (heh).
What they don’t say in those articles is that single moms are only ‘selfless’ to their kids (not to the ATM she’s trying to reel in) and even that fact with all these stories I’d take with a grain of salt.
HC and Boxer,
My conservative church think it winsome to ask about a girl’s degree. The church pushes women into slut-finishing school harder than any group. My church is a mile from a 40,000- student university, but still. It’s always assumed they can have it all, it just takes wisdom on what to compromise over and prayer to make it work(according to conventional wisdom). After, you humble-brag about how tough it is and how you feel guilty. Don’t worry, the church will help the working Mom stay encouraged, and if she is married, it will keep the man down. It’s amazing that any Christians end up as SAHMs. These 2nd wave feminists think they are being mentored all ready. For example, when they complain about feeling guilty for having their kids in daycare, and the church encourages her, she and they consider that a mentoring moment.
‘It’s amazing that any Christians end up as SAHMs.’
If that’s what their husband wants, that’s how it usually happens. I live in a community with quite a few Hispanic families and the husband is often the head of it. He’s usually the worker and the wife stays at home with the kids until they are older (in most cases, not all).
The church was never meant to supersede the authority of the husband in marriage. The church, just like everyone in the pews, is meant to witness it.
Then again if a woman wants to be the strong, independent, empowered, in control, domineering type…she can always marry a pushover and fulfill her dreams of ‘having it all’. That’ll show us all that she can run herself into the ground by trying to be a full time mother and a full time worker at the same time.
I’m not sure they run themselves into the ground, but their kids, yes. But once the daycare kids become church members, yhen they all say how great it was and make staying at home equivalent to daycare. This should not be, but we want to be relevant, not salt.
“But how can a woman avoid being a skank ho especially if she is about to hit the wall or is post wall and tired of being a virgin?”
Here’s my answer to that question…
With regard to how people see you, particularly if you live in a tradcon culture, you’re already considered a skank ho. Tradcons only understand two possibilities: married or fornicating. A lot of this comes from the teachings of Jean Calvin and possibly Martin Luther – it is assumed that no one can resist the temptation of sex, and no one does; thus, if you are not married, your are a fornicator. If you say that you are a virgin (if you were a man, you couldn’t say that without being lynched) you will probably be disbelieved). In many religions, masturbation falls under the rubric of fornication and is considered even worse. If you’ve never even masturbated, then you’ll be derided as defective in some way, and pitied. Bottom line: no matter what the situation, you will be viewed by tradcons in a way you don’t want to be, so that is something you’re going to have to come to grips with.
Regarding whether or not you actually are a skank ho, depending on what your own definition of that is, you’re going to have to make a decision. What do you think a guy in your situation has to deal with when he starts the run-up to age 40? He has two basic options as well: The one option is to find a way to spoil his own V-card which, at that age, is said by others to be way, waaaaay worse and less forgivable than having done it at a young/stupid age like they all did; also, being a man, he can’t just snap his fingers and someone is going to show up and make it happen for him – he’s going to have to go to a prostitute, and try to dodge the lightning bolts afterwards. The other option is to become the 40-year-old virgin – that caricature of the ultimate, impossibly failed man whom nobody supports or respects…usually not even the tradcons who call you a skank ho.
Like you, a man has to make his #1 prority getting over his worry about what his family and community thinks, just like free-energy over-unity fanatics have to get over the fact that the magnet motor simply won’t work. After that, it’s bad options and worse options, and you have to decide which is which.